well.. The love of my life, and the one person who ive been through it all with.. well we are not together anymore.. thats about it. and i guess i will move on from here..

I want to say good luck to him thought, hope he is able to reach his goal.


gosh i cant even write any more ugh. .

Since i have been feeling a little down lately, i am thinking of things to do to keep my self occupied here are some things i am wanting to do

1.Family history both mine and jons (just to start some for Camille so she knows a little bit more about her family :) )  ill be researching mine which is carey/jackson and jons is Wenzel/courcelle, so camilles would just be carey/wenzel.. i think thats how it goes.. lol 




2. I want to sew a dress or something for my self and camille. i WILL find a sewing machine some where lol. just thought it would be nice to have something homemade. 


3.  still working on the baking thing although my dad said that he really liked my last cupcakes!!! yay. which is a good thing from him haha. 


4. Photography... well, im trying. there isnt much to photograph at the moment, or atleast i am not inspired right now since i really dont go any where. 


5. something i havent been very good at lately, is talking to my dad, theres been a lot going on and i think im still angry at him, but he IS my dad and i know i need to respect him and be happy for him, and show him ilove him. because i do, i just dont agree with some things. i want us to be apart of each others lives a little bit more. so i have been trying to be nice to him, i made jon camille and my dad dinner, talked to him about something that has been bothering me. it was nice. :) hopefully i can open my heart back up to him. 




anyways i was looking at some photos and i really love this one so here is a photo of the day : 

With the bad comes the good

welp today was Jon's first day back to college,,, he is a college boy! :) i am very proud of him, he looks all official with his back pack, books and lap top.  I know he will do fantastic learning because he is a smart person, wish i was as smart as him sometimes.

Today Camille and i danced in the Kitchen while we were waiting for the cupcakes to get done baking. She knows the song by REBA MCENTIRE - Turn on the radio :) we danced to that and danced to Shania Twain - Any Man of mine :P Good times. we also read this book Skippyjonjones its a really cute book, its actually a series. its about a Siamese Cat whom thinks he is a Chihuahua. We found out about these books from my sister Melissa Hayashi while we stayed with her in Utah for a couple months. 




after all that fun.. jon came home and did some homework, i was still cleaning up from baking, my back hurting like heck..and he is like IM HUNGRY. so i said what would you like to eat, then i was like OMG i seriously feel like a HOUSE WIFE right now, because I was trying to listen to him , and at the same time Camille was being rambunctious and he just laughed lol it was kind of funny, but  by the time i finished cooking and cleaning, i was starting to feel tired. i was looking at the classifieds and i became to feel really down, because im not really Qualified for alot and it really sucks. i apply to them anyways just for the chance of learning something know ya know. 


I start to get discouraged i guess and i just dont know what to do. I am home 24/7 with camille, Jon is at Work, School and then playing his games, ( granted he hasnt played them since we got back together and not even close the the amount he did before ) im home with camille all day and when everyone is home i try my best to make everyone happy, no job means less money for my family, no car to take camille out side of this neighborhood or anyplace, living at my DAD'S house.. well thats kind of self explanatory . it just kind of over whelming sometimes, i just need a little time for my self. i just get to the point every now and then that i should just stay in bed all day because i am not good at anything. ive been trying to keep my self busy, i just dont know how to pull my self out. but ill get there some day where i have the energy, and just know what i need and want to do. it just kind of sucks right now, and i m doing my best to get through it. 


BUT here are some photos of my cupcakes.. they were supposed to be Chocolate Graham Cracker cupcakes with Toasted Marshmallow but something went wrong with the Cupcake part i was really disappointed. i followed the directions correctly, i'm too embarrassed to put the photos up of those.. so i made a different batch :) 


these are White Mocha Cupcakes with Toasted Marshmallow. 


( I am very proud of the Marshmallow part i finally got it to stiffen up and glossy, i could never get it to do that when i made Lemon Meringue Pie.. so now i know how.. it just takes more patience lol) 

someday i will be getting a Kitchen Chef Torch lol so i dont have to use a lighter for things like this haha. oh man. 

big changes

HELLO! 

FIRST I would like to say that i am very proud of my daughter! she is so amazing and so smart. we are trying to really get her going with potty training!  I am so excited, one of the reasons we are going to kick butt with this is because she has this really bad rash on her bum, and it really irritates her. so we are  trying during the days to get her to wear big girl undies and during the nights we put her diaper back on. today she did so good, she only had an accident twice, other wise she tried to go on her potty! i teared up last night when i helped her put her big girl panties on because she's my little girl, and shes just growing up fast even though she is only two years old. 

1..2..3..4... red.. orange... green... blue... Circle...square..star..

we are also going to really sit down and help her with numbers and colors and shapes, her grandma bought her a couple books and she can tell me the shapes in the shapes book! she loves the STAR shape. 

thats my goal with my daughter, she is such a big girl! i cant even believe it :) i love her <3

2nd goal: to help my boyfriend QUIT is nasty habit of SMOKING ( as i wrote that he was watching me and he coughs  lol) i am trying to figure out a surprise or a reward i can give him and some support i can give him to help him with trying to cut back. 

I love him and i know he has lots of goals and things he wants to do, but i think he would be a lot happier if he doesn't need to smoke. it will be a lot healthier for our family :) i love him to pieces.

3rd goal: I am going to start working out, gotta lose some pounds and tone up! lol, i really want to lose some weight before my 23rd birthday which is in like 34 days ( 4 weeks )

i know its not going to be a lot of weight lost but, i think i will feel better about my self :) and i bet i will have more energy! i am so excited! and i am really going to push my self to do it.  and i am also going to start eating better i have to do it or else i m going to be DISAPPOINTED in my self. I hope that my boyfriend will keep encouraging me and support me with this. 

as for photography: I am trying to think of things to photograph, not sure what this week will bring. 

and i have a couple ideas for baking as well just have to get everything together.

well that's all for now, hope everyone has a good week! 

fluffy Snow 2012

hello!
so happy today that it snowed, ive been waiting for this for a while! but before i start with that, i tried to make a Lemon Meringue pie last night.. it was going good and i was excited to make it.. but it didnt turn out so well, sad face.. the Meringue didnt form its peaks like it should have, and the filling was watery for some reason. its been in the Fridge for almost 12 hrs.  and its still not looking right ugh. well i will be trying it again soon! wish me luck :)


SNOW: I have been waiting for snow so that i can take my daughter out and play in it. we are in a winter storm advisory warning thing lol, but i bundled her up and took her out side. Now the snow was light and fluffy, so i was kind of disappointed that we could build a snow man, but she loved to toss it up in the air. :) maybe tomorrow the snow will be SNOWMAN snow and we will go out again YAY. after we were done playing we came inside and i made HOT CHOCOLATE for Jonathan, Camille and I. ive been waiting for this type of weather and i love it because we can go out side and play in the cold snow then come in and cuddle up with some hot chocolate and watch movies. some one was a PARTY POOPER but he came out side for like 5 mins.   he said that he will come out side tomorrow ... Hopefully

SNOW ANGEL

 

      


              

I love my family so much! i love being able to do fun things with them. i really encourage trying new things for my daughter to experience a lot in her life :)

cant wait for tomorrow for SNOWMAN building!

ahhhhh, i m losing my voice! lol. so my boyfriend is sitting right next to me while i am writing this so it makes it kind of funny to do so. making me nervous lol just kidding, i am totally open with him :) well now he moved to sit on the floor.. ahh i love him! 

the past couple days i havent really been my self. been kind of down and hating my self for it. I have like no life besides my daughter and jon. ugh. i really want a job, i need a car, i really want to go back to school.. its just all taking to long to get where i want to be. I am so proud of Jonathan i see him growing and progressing through his life, but i am just sitting here with nothing. i seriously would rather work then do nothing all day. it kind of brings me down a little. i am thankful for who i have in my life and what i have, i just would like things to come into place for once. i need to get the motivation to do something to make my self proud of my life ya know? i am defiantly at a stand still and theres only so much time of standing still i can take ugh. but anyways....

I havent Baked in a couple days i will have to plan some treats to make tomorrow. but i have taken some photos  and here they are :) 

my daughter doing summer sults :) thought it was too cute because she thought it was funny that i was like peek a boo!

 This was so funny it made me laugh so hard hahah. she was jumping on my bed.

 out side playing with grandmas wind chime it was pretty windy out today. but she looked cute.

 aw i love her so much, she was making faces and putting her arms on her hips while looking into the mirror that was on the wall she didnt know i took this photo, she is also playing with one of her grandmas old fashion telephones she love talking into it.

 i love how i caught the ball in the air. i baby sit this boy, he is adorable and so smart for being an almost 3 year old. he impresses me!

 he found a stick and said that he was a NINJA :)

 i love this photo! edited it and i think it look amazing i had to share.

well there are some of my photos i hope you enjoyed. 

My precious Family

Camille 2nd birthday, 

mommy and daddy giving Camille Kisses lol, love her face :)

This is me, Camille and Jonathan at the fire and Ice festival she got to see Mr. and Mrs. Clause, see some reindeer. Jon tasted some Chilli from the local Chefs for the Chilli cook off competition. we had a good time even though we didnt stay for the Parade, it was raining and very cold.

This is our Family Christmas Photo that I took :) 2011 

I love my family so much, i cant even see my life with out them now. even through the really tough times i believe Jon and i were made for each other* SOUL MATES :) * even though we had a child early on in our relationship i think it made us stronger and more happy. i am not sure what i would be doing if i didn't have my daughter. she's always by my self, makes me smile all the time , i love seeing her grow and learn everything she can. she is amazing! and i am so thankful for her daddy, he has kept me strong as well, i love him no matter what we go through, no matter how many times we want t be apart or how many times we say we hate each other, i am always there for him. i'm proud of the things he wants to do and how far he has come from being a man and a father! he is my BEST FRIEND.  we will always be there for each other and our family. we all make the family strong. i love you Camille and Jonathan .

MMMmmm Chocolate

Chocolate brownies! yummy!

so i made some amazing Chocolate Brownies, so proud of my self!! here are some photos. wish they were more gooey but hey they tasted pretty good.

Chocolate Eclaires :)

i havent been on here for about two days kind of dissapointed, I havent been feeling the best. therefore im being lazy ;) but proud of my self for pushing through it yesturday and baked something! finally made the Chocolate Eclaires! they dont look very put together but i tried my best and it wont be the last time that i make them here is a photo of them  lol. don't judge :) 

they didnt taste too bad, but remember it was my first time making these! :)

Small things Bring us Closer together :)

Food brings us closer together lol well that sounds strange.

today there was some kind of stress with in the family, i suppose we were all just a little tired.  Jonathan was annoyed, Camille was running around like crazy! and I .. well i just wanted to sleep all day, but i knew i had to get up and get some things done.. ( although i didnt do much lol ) I am seriously eager to move out of this house and get one of our own even if its a really nice apartment. It would just really be nice to have my family and no one else in the house. cant wait. :) Oh yeah Jon was supper hungry so at like 10pm i made chicken and then we started cooking together lol and he is so cute when he thinks up new ideas to use when we cook :) i love it.

Its a New Year!

Hey everyone! hope you all had a wonderful and safe New Years celebration.  I am totally excited that it is a New Year, looking forward to all the new things my family and i can do.

So i should start off with talking about my family :) I have a wonderful boyfriend his name is Jonathan we have been through ALOT and its been rough. we have come to the conclusion even through all the stops and big hurdles we have had to go through ... we are SOUL MATES.  we have true love.  our 4 year anniversary will be on July 24 Th this year. I love him to death, he is seriously my best friend. i am so proud of the goals he wants to accomplish. He has had a change of heart from who he used to be, it was rough for a while. He has had a major break through and i am so happy for him and so proud. I love how strong he is to know that he can change for the better :)

Jonathan and I have a Daughter named Camille she is a little Monster, but we love her anyway. we are amazed about how smart she is, she can use the XBOX and start her own movies :) She is only 2 years old. i dont know what we would do with out her, sure life may be easier but what fun would that be.  Her favorite movie is TOY STORY she used to be all about Dora the Explorer and Barney. and she LOVES pillow pets, jon loves to hid it from her and use it for him self and she gets frustrated but when she finally gets it she is so happy :) Camille is our life and she has made our family.

So i LOVE to bake or at least i try to hahaha.
here are some things i am going to try to make this week :

1. Chocolate Brownies 
2. Scones with jam and cream 
3. Chocolate Eclairs
4. Tiramisu

I like making Desserts.